As humans, we have this compulsive need to control every little thing that happens to us. Whether it be the boy we like, the food we eat, the friends we have or the family we keep. Control comes from the need to eradicate anxiety and negative emotions or feelings. When times become stressful, overwhelming or upsetting, we can spiral into behaviours that do not lead to positive feelings. When the boy we like doesn't reply to us, or what he replies with isn't what we wanted, we feel irritated and disappointed. Because shockingly, we cannot control the outcome of most things in life. We can certainly practice behaviours that may contribute to good outcomes, such as studying for a test in order to achieve a good grade. But the same cannot be said for the behaviour of others towards us. I can remember so many times I sat around waiting for a reply from someone, or I tried to manipulate the outcome of a scenario, and to be honest, sometimes I have been able to. But this does not deem healthy and or productive behaviour.
They say that expectations are the thief of joy. When we set expectations for the outcome of any given situation that concerns another, we are more than likely setting ourselves up to be disappointed. There is little you can control in this life, but there is one big thing you can, and that is yourself. You are in charge of who you wish to be and what you wish to achieve; you are the narrator of your own fairytale. The need for control can lead to the eradication of your psychological, physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing. Often times when we suffer uncomfortable feelings or emotions, we crave and indulge in unhealthy behavioural patterns. For example, some turn to drug and or alcohol, some choose to distract themselves psychologically, and in more extreme cases, some turn to disordered though patterns and behaviours. The feeling of losing control is extremely unpleasant and this is a feeling that the human mind hates! Sometimes, we need to learn to sit in discomfort instead of run from it. Suffering is not inevitable, we have the choice to sit in it, or breathe through it.
When we feel strongly about something, we are more likely to crave control over it. For example, when we find someone, we think would be a suitable partner, we will often do anything for them and expect the same back. However, this is often set up for failure, as we cannot expect people to mirror the energy we give, it isn't fair nor is it that simple. Everyone is entitled to free will, and to control another is not a healthy habit to form in any scenario. We must focus on what we have power over, which is our thoughts, our feelings and our actions. A big lesson I learned a few years ago was that if something is meant to be it'll be. You will never have to force anything that is meant for you, or force any connection with someone you are destined to be with. You are enough as you are and as long as you put in hard-work and kindness to your actions, things will work out for you. If they don't, then perhaps you needed to learn a new lesson to take into the next chapter of your fairytale.
Bamby xx
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